STEPPING STONES

I called the nursing home today and they said that Peggy is adjusting and doing just fine.

I didn't get to talk to her but that's OK. I know she is well and being taken care of day and night.

I find that I am slowly letting go of some of the pain of watching her disappear.  There is nothing that I can do to bring her back, so I must move forward.

I read this today...  If we celebrate the years behind us, they become the stepping stones of strength and joy for the years ahead.

These few words explain how I am feeling.

I thought it was interesting that I found those words because Peggy is in a unit at the nursing home that is called...Stepping Stones.

Peggy is my stepping stone to the future because her illness has taught me to live in the moment, to live like there is no tomorrow.

I was cooking this morning and the recipe called for boiling water.

I put the water on to boil and got busy doing other tasks. When I went back to check on the water in the pan...it was gone. It had all boiled away while I was just steps away from the pot. The pot that was full of water was now dry.

How like Peggy, I thought.

We have been steps away for one another all of our lives and yet, she simple boiled away while I wasn't paying attention.

Many people have come and gone in my life. Some have changed me forever making me a better person for knowing them.

Peggy is one of those people.

I turned my head one day and was busy doing other tasks in my life and Peggy simply boiled away and....

Disappeared.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

 

MEMORIES

RECALL IT AS OFTEN AS YOU WISH......

A HAPPY MEMORY NEVER WEARS OUT!   

( Libbie Fudim )

I Love You Today, Peggy!

I miss you more than I can write! I am so thankful that I have wonderful memories of our times together..

Mary Louise

THE SCROLL

I awoke to a gray, cloudy day in Ohio.

I fits my mood this morning.

I not only have concern for Peggy but for other family members.

My heart is full up and I had a cleansing cry.

I asked God to take my worries away and hold them for me.

I wrapped all of my concern and worry in a scroll and handed them to God.

Then, I did an interesting thing. I became engaged in a tug of war with God over my worries.

God had one end of the scroll, trying to take it away from me, while I held on to the other end of the scroll and would not let go.

I have found in life, one of the hardest things to do is to....

Let Go and Let God!

I DO NOT ASK FOR ANY CROWN BUT THAT WHICH ALL MAY WIN; NOR TRY TO CONQUER ANY WORLD.........

EXCEPT THE ONE WITHIN   ( Louisa May Alcott)

I Love You Today, Peggy!

I Miss You!

Mary Louise

FLYING BY THE SEAT OF MY PANTS

I made flight  reservations for my husband the other day.  He has to go to a meeting on the East Coast next week for work. I chose the airline, the flight, the times and the seat for his flight.

Within a few moments, I received a confirmation and the itinerary for his flight.

 The itinerary contained the day, the date, the flight number, the status, the booking, the city of departure.

Under city, there was this information...LV at 8:40 am. AR at 11:40 am.

The return flights were the same.

All of the exact numbers for the flight times to his distination and the exact time that he would arrive back at the airport so that I could be there to take him home.

If it were not for this exact plan by the airline, there would be chaos. I would not know when to be at the airport. I would not know which flight or when it left or arrived.

 I read the information and thought that it would be nice to navigate through Alzheimer's disease with a clear understanding of what was expected and what to do and where to be at the appropriate time.

My uncle George was a pilot for years and he often talked about his days of flying in a war. He said that he flew by the seat of his pants. Not knowing where to land his chopper to pick up the wounded men and if it would be a safe place to land and take off again. He talked about the fear of flying into the unknown.

That is the way that I feel about the navigation through Alzheimer's disease with Peggy.

Most of the time...

I don't know where to land or if what I say is appropriate or when I should take off again.

I am flying by the seat of my pants and continue to look for a safe place to land because...

I am flying into the unknown.

I Love You Today, Peggy and I miss you so much!

Mary Louise

 

THE SOUND OF PEGGY'S VOICE

A wonderful sister.

A special friend.

That's what you've been to me....

So much a part of the lovely times that I keep in my memory.

(Author unknown)

I was able to hear Peggy's voice last night.

Her husband called me from her room at the nursing home and let her talk to me.

It was a wonderful gift to hear her voice.

It didn't matter that she could not carry on a conversation. I knew that she was listening to the sound of my voice and I was listening to the sound of hers.

Who would have ever thought that hearing......

Yes, un-huh and OK could ever sound so sweet.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

 

SEPARATED

I have not been able to talk with Peggy in a long time.

Even if I do get to talk to her, she usually lays down the phone and walks away.

I do not belong in her world any longer and I know that I will remain separated from her for the rest of my life.

I feel such sadness as I watch the victims of hurricane Katrina.

Families are separated and desperately trying to find one another and as I watch their despertation, I understand a "little" of what they are feeling. My search is not as desperate as theirs because I know where Peggy is and that she is well taken care of and safe.

But I do understand the empty feeling of a search for someone  you love.

I have been desperately trying to find Peggy since she went into the nursing home.

I know that she is there but...

I cannot find her and I cannot help her but I will continue to try.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

OUR BELOVED GULF COAST

My grief over losing Peggy takes a back seat to the grief of the people along our beautiful Gulf Coast.

Peggy and I are from Alabama and know that part of the world very well.

The destruction of the coast and the images that I have seen on television for the past few days has crunched my heart.

I know that Peggy is well, safe and is being taken care of where she is right now and for that, I am thankful.

My heart and prayers goes out to the people who are suffering through the destruction of Hurricane Katrina.

I love the Gulf Coast and have gone there since I was a child and to view the destruction is very painful.

Please pray for all of the people there. They will need your money as well as your prayers.

Please go to...

http://www.redcross.org/

To donate to the Red Cross.

I have seen the very best and the very worse from the people who are trying to survive this castastrophe.

I am thankful that Peggy doesn't know about this hurricane. She lived along the Alabama and Louisiana Gulf Coasts and this news would break her heart.

We need to remember that we are Americans and we help in times of tragedy.

Peggy would be the first to give her time and money to the relief of the people along our beloved Gulf Coast!

http://www.redcross.org/

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise