JULY 21, 2006
I was able to hear Peggy's voice last night. Her husband held to phone to her ear because she has forgotten how to hold the phone.
I told her that I loved her today and I heard a faint whisper of her voice.
She is talking to herself a lot now in fast whispers.
I wish that I could understand what she is saying. I asked her to talk louder but she just kept whispering at a rapid pace.
I was told that she seems happy and smiles a lot. I am thankful for that.
I got a few pictures of her last week at the nursing home. She looks the same but different, if that makes any sense. There is no light from her eyes. Only dark places where her green eyes used to be.
It was interesting to see her in the pictures in the nursing home with a room full of gray heads. She looks out of place. A young person among the elderly but she is actually more disabled than most of them.
She came back to the phone after I talked with her husband and I said, Peggy, this is Mary Louise and then she said, Hello!
I said, Peggy, I love you, Today!
Her husband said she broke into a huge smile.
Does that mean she remembers me?
Does that mean she remembers my voice?
I will never know because Alzheimer's disease keeps secrets.
All I know is that my sister is living in the land of Alzheimer's disease and I am not welcome in that world very often.
I received a second of remembering last night, not by voice but by her smile and that has to be enough because a second of remembering is all that she has to give.
It makes me sad to know that she isn't coming back to us.
That is a fact of life that the whole family deals with every day.
I could have cried when I hung up the phone last night. I did tear up but no tears streaming down my face.
I smiled because I thought that Peggy remembered me for a second.
For one second, Peggy sounded like herself when she said Hello!
I Love You Today, Peggy!