Peggy cannot talk to me on the phone any longer. I am losing the privilege of hearing her voice. With that lost priviledge, I can no longer pretend on some level in my brain.
My layers of grief protection are being pealed away, one layer at a time.
Each time a layer of protection is removed, I have to re-adjust my thinking, my feelings and the grief of watching her disappear.
The disease gets more real to me every day as it cuts off any avenue that I had been using to reach my sister.
As Peggy slides farther and farther away and the realness of watching her disappear comes closer and closer at an alarming speed.
Alzheimer's disease is like watching a train fly down the tracks at increasing speeds, out of control and the horror that I feel is that........
There is no way that I can help or stop the Alzheimer's train from taking Peggy with it as it flies down the tracks.
All I can do is stand by the tracks and watch the speeding train pass.
As the Alzheimer's train roars past me.....
I see Peggy in the window of the speeding train and I can only watch .....
As she disappears down the tracks.
I Love You Today Peggy!
And I grieve that I cannot stop the train that is taking you away!