I watched the ball drop...
I saw Dick Clark and the progress he has made.
I missed talking to Peggy tonight but talked to others who are important in my life.
This will be a good...New Year!
I have much to be thankful for tonight because......
I remember..
I Love You Tonight, Peggy!
I Miss You!
Happy New Year.
Mary Louise
It is hard to believe that 2005 is ending and 2006 will be beginning.
The year past has brought more changes in my relationship with Peggy.
It is more difficult to get a response from her. She speaks softly and it is difficult to hear what she is trying to say. She hangs up the phone when I am trying to talk with her. But she can still laugh!
I sent her a gold locket for her Christmas present.
I put a picture of us inside of it and her husband said that she is wearing it.
I wonder if she will ever open it to see us in happier times.
I wonder if she will know who is in the picture smiling back at her from the locket around her neck?
Our hearts are forever entwined...
In my mind and around her neck in a heart locket with a picture of us...
Just for Peggy.
I will miss sharing 2006 with Peggy but I am so glad that we had other New Years Eve celebrations together even though we were miles apart.
I will miss your phone call again this year when the clock strikes 12:00 am, Peggy.
I will miss hearing you shout.....
Happy New Year, Mary Louise!!!!
So, Happy New Year, Peggy, Just a little early!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Mary Louise
I talked to Peggy yesterday, Christmas Day.
When she first came on the phone I said, Hi, This is Mary Louise.
She said, OK in a small voice.
I said, Merry Christmas, Peggy!
She didn't say anything and there was silence. I asked her if she wanted to talk to me. ( Big mistake, Ha).
She said No...... and hung up!
I had to laugh at her honesty. The honesty of a child.
Her husband called me back and said, let's try this again.
Peggy took the phone and I said, Peggy, you hung up on me! You could have hurt my feelings, you know! She found that amusing and she started to laugh.
We laughed through the rest of the call over nothing.
What a beautiful Christmas gift.
The gift of laughter from my sister, Peggy!
Judy Meggers wrote............
My sister's love is very special.
One I'll treasure through the years.
We've played and laughed together and of times shed many tears.
But through life's maze of problems,
God placed a bond of love within
To unite our hearts in wisdom
Changing sisters into friends!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Merry Christmas 2005.
Mary Louise
Dear Santa,
I know it has been a long time since I sat on your knee.
It seems that when we grow up, we forget to ask you for a special gift.
Every time that I see you in the mall, I want to climb on your knee and whisper my request in your ear, just like I did when I was a little girl.
I never get up the courage to approach you and so I thought that I would write you a letter to tell you what I want this Christmas.
Santa, my sister, Peggy is disappearing from Alzheimer's disease. She doesn't remember me any longer and she doesn't remember you. I know that you remember her because you have your big book of names and Peggy was special to you.
She can't ask you for anything this year and so, I wanted to ask you for a gift for her.
When you visit her on Christmas night, could you give her a gift of the memory of Christmas?
It doesn't have to be a long or big memory. Just a minute or two of the joy of Christmas.
You can do anything, Santa so please give this gift to Peggy.
Thanks Santa.
Your long time friend, Mary Louise
Peggy, I wrote Santa a letter for you. You will get a big surprise on Christmas night when he visits.
You will remember Christmas!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Mary Louise
I called Peggy this morning to talk with her but she wasn't at the nurses station.
She continues to disappear with each passing day.
If it were not for the memories of those who love her...it would be as if she had never lived.
I watched Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" last night and thought of Peggy.
I also thought about myself.
What would the world be like if I had never lived? Would it be better or worse?
Have I made a difference? Who have I touched as I have lived my life? What have I done to deserve living in the time that I have been given?
I wish that Peggy knew that she has made a difference by living and that the world would be a different place if she had not been born.
No one can be perfect as we live each day but we can treat the street person and the head of a company with the same grace and dignity.
Every person weaves a story as the minutes, days and years slide past.
The question is...
What does our story say about our life?
If we had never lived, would the people in our lives be different?
My parents, my sister's and my brother have made a difference in my life. My husband and my children have made a difference in my life.
Have I made a difference in their lives?
It's A Wonderful Life, Peggy!
Thank you for being a part of my life and for making a difference.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Merry Christmas...2005.
Dear God,
Help me to make a difference in the lives of everyone that I meet and help me to make a difference in my own.
M. L.
Mary Louise
One week until Christmas Day.
One week to feel all of the losses of my life during this season of the year.
My parents and in-laws not being here. Peggy not being here.
If I let myself, I could just focus on all of my losses this Christmas. If I did, they would stack up like the snowflakes that are falling outside of my window.
I have made a decision to focus on the people who are still in my life this holiday.
We all have a choice.....
We can remember and be sad or we can remember and feel the joy of past Christmas' while staying connected to the present.
Who knows what next Christmas will bring. Some of the people that will celebrate with you this year, might not be with you next year.
Our minds are powerful. We control how we react to the day and all that 24 hours may bring.
I am striving to bring balance into my daily life.
When I have a sad thought...I find a happy thought to lean against it. That way, I can't fall into the sadness.
That is what I think life is..
A balance of thoughts.
I miss Peggy so much at this time of year but on a positive note...
I have my family, my other sister's and my brother who are with me in the present.
I could spend the holidays crying about the loss of Peggy or in joy because of the people who are still in my life.
I choose to live in the present this Holiday season.
Remembering the past but staying alive to the present.
Because that is what today is to each of us....
A Present!
A present to open and enjoy!
Merry Christmas, Peggy!
I Love You Today!
Mary Louise
MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN DOWN SINCE LAST THURSDAY.
IT IS IN THE SHOP AND I WILL NOT HAVE IT BACK UNTIL TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY OF NEXT WEEK.
I AM WRITING THE OLD FASHION WAY....BY HAND.
I WILL WRITE AGAIN ON THE COMPUTER NEXT WEEK.
I LOVE YOU TODAY, PEGGY!
MARY LOUISE
I was watching Extreme Home Makeover last night on television.
The show was about a father and his three little girls.
The oldest girl was 6 years old and cried every time her mother's name was mentioned. Her little sister's were 3 years old and a baby in arms.
The 28 year old mother had died months before and the young father was trying to raise the children in a house that was not good.
The 6 year old girl was mature beyond her years and had written in to Extreme Home Makeover because she wanted her family to be happy again.
What struck me about the show was that only the father and little 6 year old girl cried at the mention of the Mother and wife.
The other two children did not cry when they heard their Mother's name.
Peggy doesn't cry for me like I cry for her. Just like the two little girls that did not cry when they heard their Mother's name, on the show last night...
You cannot cry and miss someone that you don't remember.
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Mary Louise
Sometimes, as we live our lives....
Things happen to us that bring us to our knees.
I think that this happens so that when we finally stand tall again.....
We will be stronger in all of our......
Broken places. ( Mary Louise Ross Harris )
I Love You Today, Peggy!
I Love You Today, John!
Mary Louise
I was shopping for Christmas gifts the other day.
I watched the people's faces as they hurried past me as I walked through the mall.
I was feeling blue and needed to see a smile directed toward me to help me through the sad feelings.
I did not see a single smile because everyone, including me, was so absorbed in our own lives, our own sadness of the season.
I made my way to the food court, found a table and sat to watch people.
There was no laughter that I could hear. The mall music was softly playing Christmas carols in the background.
Everything was decorated and ready for Christmas except...
The people in the mall and......
Me.
I am in a search for my Christmas spirit this season and my shopping trip to the mall made it very clear to me the the spirit that I was searching for that day was not to be found in...
The mall.
The spirit that I am searching for this year cannot be bought, wrapped and given to me.
My Christmas spirit has been covered under my grief and pain.
The grief of many losses and the pain of knowing that I can't change what is...
My spirit this season can only be found inside of me.
I went back to the mall to try an experiment.
I didn't look at the faces of the people who passed me hoping that they would give me the smile that I needed from them.
Instead, I gave my smiles to their faces.
I bought a gift in a store and as I turned to leave the store, I said Happy Holidays to the sales person and she smiled back at me.
I helped a lady pick up her coat from the floor and she smiled and thanked me. I said; Happy Holidays and she said, thank you and smiled back at me.
What I learned in a few hours in the mall was.....
You cannot wait for other people to give you the spirit of the season.
You have to give of yourself and when you do, the smiles will come from the faces of strangers and warm your heart. Giving of yourself brings the spirit of the season back home where it belongs.
If you are searching for the spirit of the season this year...You will find it when you give your spirit away.
It's amazing how the smiles come back home when you open the door of your heart and welcome others inside.
I Love You Today Peggy and I miss you this Christmas season.
I miss your smile this year but I did see your smile in so many faces at the mall when I took the time to give my smile away.
Mary Louise A work in progress
Always remember to forget the things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember the things that made you glad.
( Elbert Hubbard )
