Wednesday, May 11, 2005


I collect sand.

I have sand samples from beaches all over the world. They are displayed in glass jars on a shelf in my home.

It is amazing how different the samples appear from the beaches of the world and yet...they have something in common because they are all sand. 

The colors of the sand range from pink to black, white to gray, course to fine and from rocks to pebbles.

I think that the grieving process is a lot like the sand from the different beaches of the world.

No one grieves in exactly the same way. There are steps to the grieving process but we all experience the process differently.

The way that I am experiencing the grief over watching Peggy disappear is not the same as the grief of other family members who are doing the same.

It does not make my grief greater or deeper than theirs in any way. It is my personal way of grieving that I have tailored because of my experiences. We all have different life experiences just like there are differences in the sand.

I watched the funeral of President Regan and felt intense grief. Not because I knew him personally but because I have a life experience with  the devastation of Alzheimer's disease. I had a connection to the grief of Mrs Regan but nowhere near the same level of grief that she was experiencing.

Just like the grains of sand...grief is different and experienced on different levels for different people. It depends on the life experiences we have had and our ability to put ourselves in another persons place. It depends on our life experiences with the person that we are losing or have lost.

Just remember, when you are watching or experiencing grief that we all grieve in our own personal way. One way is not the best way.

In an emergency room, when families are given bad news, the reactions of family members cover a wide range of emotion. Some will pass out while other will simply stare at the floor. Some will scream while doing a dance of grief while others will sit and silently cry.

Just like the grains of sand... we are different in our grief and yet we are all the same because we all grieve.

I see life in pictures in my mind and I see Peggy's life slipping away. She is silently slipping away like the grains of sand sliding from the top of a hourglass to the bottom.

And I grieve by writing my grief as I continue to.........

 Watch my Sister slide,  like the grains of sand from the top of the hourglass of life to the bottom and silently.... Disappear.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise


wendy4145 said...

I think you are grieving in a very helathy way.  Journals are a healthy way to deal with pain and let it out.

We get by with a little help from our friends.

mawmellow said...

I'm a trained Hospice volunteer.  What a beautiful the dying process....whether it being a dying soul, a dying body or a dying spirit.  I haven't been reading your journal long but I can definitely tell what fortunate people you and Peggy have each other.  

stupidsheetguy said...

Your imagery is so, so beautiful and touching. I'm sorry this isn't a happier situation where I could say I look forward to more of your work. But I do feel what you intend us to feel. Please take care. My prayers are with you...


mosie1944 said...

My goodness, you've been everywhere!  As usual, this is a great entry.

smjr43 said...

My heart goes out to you.  I lost my youngest sibling to suicide and just started doing a journal about his life.  I know your journal will help others who are going through what you are going through.  God Bless You!

gardenmantis said...

The love you have for your sister is so touching. You and she are lucky to have each other.

journalsuk said...

My mother in law does this as well! We always bring her sand, from Sicily, from the River Indus, from the BVI. Yours looks a bit more orderly though. I do feel for you, re Peggy. My father in law is in the early stages, but so old that it is not the same afflication at all. Most days he is just fine. Love JUK