Monday, May 9, 2005


I called Peggy yesterday and wished her a happy Mother's Day. I know that she doesn't remember what Mother's day is any longer but I wanted to wish her a happy day...just in case somewhere in her soul, she remembers.

I still cannot believe that this has happened to her. Why Peggy, still so young and so much to live for and appreciate?

Peggy's development of Alzheimer's has helped me grow and has changed me in many ways.

My husband and I have an anniversary coming up and for years we had said that we would go on a cruise. We said that we would book a cruise in the future and on a big anniversary date.

We will be sailing on May 28th, 2005. It is not a big anniversary date but because of what has happened to Peggy, we decided to go now and not wait.

 We decided that now was the right time. Now, when we are both healthy and happy. And if one day, one of us is not around on an anniversary, a big number anniversary...the other can remember this cruise and smile at the memories. The memories of why we chose a small anniversary date to go on a expensive cruise.

Peggy's illness has helped to put the priorities of my life in order. I had always heard the saying that one should not put off until tomorrow what one can do today. But, I was in a pattern of putting things off until a better day, until a day when everything was perfect or there was a big reason to celebrate.

I have learned that we must not put off plans and dreams for a later day. That day may never come and our dreams might fade away.

This cruise, on an anniversary that is not a "big one" is because of what has happened in Peggy's life.

Peggy continues to reach out and teach me from the darkness of Alzheimer's disease.

She has taught me to live for today, enjoy the people in my life while they are here. She has taught me to tell the people in my life that I love that I love them ... every day.

She has taught me to enjoy the small things like blue skies and birds singing. The smell of freshly cut grass and the beauty of a flower.

She has taught me to be glad that I know what a chair, table or other objects are and to be thankful that I can call them by name.

She has taught me to enjoy every aspect of my life and take nothing for granted.

She has taught me that there are no guaranties in life, just the reality of right now, this minute, this hour.

She has taught me how much I can still love someone who is here but at the same time..they are not here. Peggy has taught me how very much I can love someone who doesn't remember who I am  and cannot say my name.

She has taught me to take a cruise on a "not so big" anniversary date and not wait for a special number that makes it alright to celebrate big.

When Peggy forgot who I was, I thought my heart would break did!

But I have found that through her illness Peggy is helping to find the broken pieces of my heart and she is helping to put the pieces of my heart back together again by teaching me how to live today.

Peggy had so many plans for the future but that future ended as Alzheimer's took over her mind.  The disease came out of the blue and Peggy's plan for future left in a puff of blue smoke.

Peggy is teaching me how to live my life from the dark depths of Alzheimer's disease.  I am continuing to understand how to live  better because of her disease.....And now, watching her life disappear...I finally get it!

Thank you and....

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise



sanforized6 said...

Go on that cruise and have a ball!! I love it, you've never sounded so happy in all the entries I've read. Let her help you to enjoy every minute, while you can. rich

thebaabee said...

Mary Louise,
This is one of your most poinent entries. Through this journal I have learned many things.  But, today I have learned the most.  Thank you.  Love LuAnne

wendy4145 said...

Thank you for teaching that to me.  In sharing your journal, you are helping others too.


magogos said...

Mary Louise, Thanks to you and Peggy for the gift you are giving me( and others). With love, Margo