Wednesday, July 28, 2004

WHEN THE MIND FORGETS HOW TO SPEAK

I have not talked with Peggy for a few days.  I left a phone message for her this morning.

I have missed hearing her voice so much that the silence is deafening.

There are many things that I miss about Peggy.

I miss her wonderful sense of humor, her intelligence, her spirit of fun. Most of all, I miss her compassion.

Watching Peggy disappear is also making me disappear in some ways. Her slow removal from my life is leaving a space in my heart that no one else can ever fill.

I wish that she knew this morning, how much I miss her and how much I love her. There is no way that I can let her know those things now and even though I say them to her.... she has forgotten how to process language. Her mind has forgotten how to speak and that is a great loss to the world around her.

My grief about Peggy sits on my shoulder's and goes with me everywhere. I think that I could have some closure if I could sit with her once more... before Alzheimer's took her mind away and tell her how much having her for a sister has meant to me.

I would certainly have the closure that I need if she could look at me with her bright green eyes and wonderful smile and tell me just once more............

 That she loves me too.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

1 comment:

sugerb6 said...

Mary Louise I have to take a break from reading your journal at times because I know the love of a sister and I feel your pain as you write. I was blessed when  two days before my lil sis passed away she told me she loved me in a whisper. She hadn't spoken in days but God gave her and us the precious gift of saying goodbye if only in a whisper. She then went into a coma. Though I still have much of your journal to read I do hope you and your family are given this blessing.
Debbie