The Peggy that I knew has been absent from my life for a long time now.
I think of her every day and say prayers for her constantly in my mind.
It has become a way of life...my life without the sister that I love.
I still think of calling her when something happens in my day but I know that she won't be there to listen and care.
It is a strange feeling to become comfortable in these feelings because I fought them for so long.
I saw a show last night about Elvis Presley. He had finished his preformance and left the stage but people in the audience were frozen in place. They were screaming and crying and waving their tickets for one more song, one more glance, one more sight of him on stage. While the people were calling and screaming for one more anything from him, a voice came over the auditorium speaker and stated.........
Elvis has left the building!
It meant that there was no need to scream and cry for another look at Elvis. No need to wave a ticket and demand that he return. The croud of fans would not hear his voice from the stage one more time. Because as much as the people longed to see and hear him again,the show was over and Elvis had left the building and wasn't coming back.
It took the crowd a while to calm down and realize that the show was really over. People were still crying and wanting more when they slowly realized that there was...no more.
In many ways, that is where I find myself with Peggy.
It will never be the same.............. With her or Without her
I don't think that being resigned to her leaving means that I have to give up hope. I don't think that it means we love the person any less. I do think that it means we move on in our lives while still loving and caring and being there for them in a variety of ways.
I am not saying that I will ever move so far away that I forget about the Peggy that I knew. I never could because she has helped to mold me into the person that I am today...but the past is a nice place to visit but not a healthy place to live.
I don't think that I will ever give up hope that one day, she will just wake up, like in fairy tales or the movies. That is who I am and will always be...hopeful.
Peggy has lost so much time at this point in her life if she did wake up, she would see that the world that has moved on and changed without her. Children have grown to fine adults, grandchildren are years older. Sisters and brother have aged and changed. Peggy would be surprised at all the changes in the world and in herself if she woke up today. None of us are the same as when she slipped away years ago. Wanting her back is selfish on my part because it would be very hard for her to adjust to all the changes. I want the old Peggy back but I am resigned to the fact that the old Peggy is gone forever, even if she were to wake up tomorrow.
I have been doing a lot of deep thinking tonight. I'm not sure if any of it will make sense to anyone but me.
All I know is that my sister Peggy is no longer the sister that I knew and that feels strange. It feels strange but it has become a part of life for me now.
There will be no more contact with the old Peggy. The Peggy that was comfortable in my life for so many years because........... like Elvis....
Peggy Has Left The Building.
She left a long time ago but like the Elvis fans.........
I have been sitting in the auditorium of yesterday, frozen to my seat and waving the ticket of all my Peggy memories hoping that she will reappear one more time.
I will never give my ticket away because it is too precious. It is the ticket to the "Peggy Show" that plays in my mind even though....
Peggy Has Left The Building!
I Love You Today, Peggy!
Mary Louise
7 comments:
That was beautiful! It is in our hearts & minds they can never leaves us & I know you have not left hers! I also pray that they one day will find out what causes this devastating disorder & be able to prevent it & one day reverse some of the effects for those already in it. I am wondering...do you participate in any fundraising organizations etc to help with this disorder? Good way to honor her & help others not go through what you are in the future. You can speak to groups or others who are starting to go through this etc.
Another analogy, and a painful one, ML. Peggy's show has faded gradually, which makes it even worse.
MY mom has alzheimers...and it hurts to see her so confused...but she still knows who I am...and for that I am so grateful.
I lost my husband last year and I too...like you and the Elvis fans...am still sitting here waiting for one more "show..."
God bless you,
carlene
LOOK AT PEGGY DANCING!!
That's the Peggy you want to remember! I think that ELVIS should have come back for another peek! Peggy sure was able to do that. And yes! We are all timeless creatures. There is no limit to Gods ability to bless our lives no matter what time we are presently enduring.
She is with the Lord in his Presence even though her eartlhy temple/body is still has a heart beat. God is with her.
You keep hanging on to that ticket!!! it is so very valuable as Peggy is so very valable, always!
Love,
Wendy
It makes sense to me for sure having worked with Alzheimer and Senior Citizens, so I understand. She's your Sis, she'll always be in your heart and you'll love for eternity; the Sis you knew and shared everything with.....Peggy is now in her own peaceful world, may it comfort you to know she loves you in her own way now. Just take care of yourself, it's what Peggy would want. Arlene (AJ)
I watched my dad leave the BUILDING, and so many times wished he could walk in for just one song,,,
and then God gave me a chance for another song; i sang it in his ear three nites before he died, and he tried to sing along. It was an old Irish song, that he had taught me..
That song rings in my head alot now, and makes me feel the joy that i should feel for him being free from disease and ailments of any kind.
The Song goes like this:
Sure if i had the wings of a swallow, i would travel far over the sea,
Then a rocky old road i would follow, in a song thats heaven to me.
There is someone thats blessed with sure tenderness, and i fell her caress,
and i think HAPPINESS
In that dear little town, in the old County Down, which will linger way down in my heard.
Though its never been grand, it is my fairyland, just a rocky old road that I love
It's a calm acceptance.....Doc and I found ourselves in the same place not too long ago. When it occured to us we had learned to live with my deafness. Somewhere along the line it became part of who I was. This disease doesn't define your sister, in your eyes she is still your sister with a disease. (Hugs) Indigo
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