Monday, October 30, 2006

NO POWER

We  were supposed to turn our clocks back on Saturday night in Ohio.

The big...Fall Back.

We never got the chance to change our clocks because our power went off at 3:00 pm and didn't come on again until 5:00 am the next morning.

It was very quiet in the house with no television, computer or radio. When night came, it was dark inside the house and dark outside as well.

One never notices the power in our homes until it is gone.

I forgot how our senses are bombarded with the sights and sounds of our modern world.

Alone in the dark, I found myself with....... me.

There were no distractions to keep my mind busy and to keep me from being alone and thinking.

I learned that being without power every once in a while is a good thing because it forced me to be with me with no outside distractions.

It forced me to take charge and find ways to be comfortable in my home without power to light my night.

I thought about how the power in Peggy's brain is being shut off a little more every day.

I was able to find flash lights and lanterns to light the night in my home.

Peggy cannot do that for herself. Her power is turned off and she has no way of taking charge of her situation.

I decided to use the time without electrical power, as a time for reflection and to get to know me again. I knew that eventually, the power will be restored and my life would go on as usual.

I found that after a period of adjustment,  I was comfortable in the dark with no television, radio or computer to keep me company.

There was nothing to keep me from being with the one person that I really need to get to know again....

Me!

When our power came back on and the darkness of the house was gone and it was bright again, I was the first one to shout...ALRIGHT!!!!!!!

I love the light in our home but it was good to sit in the dark...

Just using the time to get to know me again and thinking of Peggy.

Peggy is lost in the dark with no power trucks and brave people to work through the night to restore the power to her brain.

My prayer for Peggy during this black out was that she is comfortable in the dark of Alzheimers disease and is not afraid to live in the night of the disease.

I still struggle with the knowledge that there is nothing that I can do to restore the power to her brain.

Sometimes, I need to find the balance between my need to fix things for her and just being comfortable to sit in the dark.

I cannot restore the power to Peggy's brain no matter how much I wish that I could.          So....................

I sit in the dark place of my mind with wonderful memories of Peggy to light my night.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

4 comments:

mgmturner said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm still reading and I appreciate you sharing your heart with us.  

Hugs,
Gwynn

barbpinion said...

Still reading, my friend.
God bless you,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

sanforized6 said...

Haven't visited with you for a while. Another beautiful entry. The analogy with the power failure is so right on! Also read the letter from Barb. That must have been comforting. So wish I could read about "recovery", but, fully realize it is a moot point. So enjoy your sharing and pass on a big hug. rich

daddyleer said...

As a caregiver spouse it was interesting to read in the previous entry's letter about the role of Peggy's husband and even her age. My wife is 51 and she too is one of the "youngest", I put her to bed most of the nights of the week. While the progression of cognitive dysfunction to dementia in MS is certainly different than with Alzheimer's I believe it makes a difference when family can participate.
Patrick