Peggy said a three word sentence the other day. This is very unusual because as she slides deeper into the disease, her verbal skills are being lost.
The sentence, said to her husband gave me chills and made my heart ache for him.
He told her that he was going out of town and would not be visiting for a few days.
She looked at him and said................
I DON'T CARE!
He has been waiting all of this time to hear her say a sentence and the words she chose were hurtful and cold. That is what Alzheimer's disease does to a brain, it takes the warmth and loving feelings away
It made me wonder, how much does she still know?
How much does she still feel?
Was she just having a bad day or did she mean to be hurtful with her words?
There is no way to know but I do know that if she had said those words to me, it would have cut a chunk out of my heart.
Maybe, she doesn't need to care any longer. Maybe, she is still protecting herself from hurt and pain.
Or maybe, she just....
Doesn't care any longer.
She has no idea at this stage of Alzheimer's disease, how many people still care and pray for her every day.
How could she know when Alzheimer's is blocking the messages of love, care and warmth from her brain.
My fear and the pain that it causes is that she thinks that I don't care. But how could she think that when she doesn't remember who I am any longer....or does she?
I care so much that my heart cannot hold all of the pain that I feel just thinking that she feels alone and thinks that I do not care.
I will care until there are no thoughts left in my brain and soul, until there is no memory of Peggy in my mind.
I Love You Today, Peggy and...