Friday, August 18, 2006


  Have you ever gone to someone's house and expected them to be at home?

You walk up to their front door, ring the bell and wait.

You wait for the door to be opened wide.

You wait for a warm greeting.

You wait for your friend to ask you to come inside and visit.

You stand on the front porch and wait but no one comes to let you inside the house.

You stand there and ring the doorbell again with no response and you find yourself shifting from one foot to the other.

You walk around the house to check and see if perhaps they are in the back yard.

You walk back to the front porch a little confused. Could you have gotten the day wrong?

No one is home even though they knew that you were coming to visit.

Then, there has to be a decision on your part. Do you keep standing on the porch and keep knocking or do you turn around, walk down the walk and get in your car and drive away?

This is an illustration of what it is like to visit someone with Alzheimer's or Pick's disease.

I know that Peggy is home........

I know that Peggy is in there but where?

She has forgotten how to open the door to her family and friends.

The lights are on but it appears that no one is at home.

There are days where I wonder what I am doing to myself by continuing to knock on the door of her mind.

Should I turn around and leave because she doesn't answer her door?

Should I ?

I have thought about this a lot.

I have thought about never coming back to the door of her mind only to be turned away by no answer to my call.

I have thought about it but could never do it because I know that Peggy is in there somewhere.

Who knows...

I may get lucky again one day and she will open the door to her mind.

That one day when her door to her mind opens wide and she says....

Hi, ML, I knew you would come!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise



wendy4145 said...

I agree with you.  Peggy is still in there.  No human can tell us what is going on in her brain truly until they have lived having picks disease....

She may know things but just not know how to express herself.
she may have forgotten how to respond with words, but she knows someone on the other end of the phone or door, loves her enough to visit her.

I know it isn't easly.


siennastarr said...

You could never stop trying, ML.. because she is your sister, and you love her so much.  That will never change.  You will always remember the Peggy that you grew up with.. the Peggy that was not only your sister, but your best friend too.  To not see her or attempt to make some kind of contact with her, would hurt you more than it ever would her.  The light in your mind burns brightly with all the memories you have stored away of the Peggy you used to know.  The Peggy whose own light once burned as strongly and brightly as your own.  As hard as it is to do... you have to keep those memories alive for the both your sakes!

loisontheweb said...

  IT IS JUST SO GREAT TO SEE YOU PERSEVERING WITH VISITS TO YOUR SISTER ...  an inspiration.  You never know ... here's a thought ... if she's forgotten so much, maybe she's forgotten how to respond/how to show a response.

my78novata said...

oh my gosh she has that same empty look I see in my momsthough shes not that far along they all have that look early on