Wednesday, November 25, 2009



Peggy is very happy right now!
She laughs and smiles. It is like she is in a very safe, happy place in what is left of her mind. I think she must be in the happy toddler stage. If she has to go backward in her mind, I'm glad she is content.
I love you today, Peggy! It has been a long road that is not over yet.

Now, about my husband, John.

He was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 2 years ago but I had noticed symptoms for 5 years because of watching Peggy disappear.
I know he has Parkinson's but he is declining in his memory also. I am going to ask the Doctor if he could have Alzheimer's too.
He has so many of the same symptoms that Peggy had early in her disease.
He was a brilliant man. Head of several departments at a huge medical center. A public speaker who kept people glued to the topic he was discussing.
Now, he can no longer read. He has trouble speaking and does not know how to make change. He has balance problems and falls a lot. He can no longer tell time or drive the car.
We used to talk and discuss many issues, now, he sits and is very quiet.

He looks like the John that I knew but isn't any longer.

I search the Internet to find anything to help him.
It is like having a child instead of a husband.
I am scared and very lonely. I have support groups etc. but I miss my John, the old John.
I am very tired of handling everything but I see him with much love and will do what I need to do to help make life easier for him.

I am going to start a new blog about John soon. It will be called "DON'T LET GO OF MY HAND, JOHN"
We have always held hands since the summer of 1962 when we met.
I feel him slipping away and I will never let go of his hand!!!!!!!! I know that there will come a day when He will let go of mine! Please, hold on John...Don't let go.......
Please, don't let go!!!!!
I love you Today, John!

Mary Louise

Monday, November 9, 2009


Peggy is down to 100 pounds. She is very happy. Sings and laughs all day. I'm so glad that her last months on earth will be happy.
Too bad that I cannot celebrate with her.

It is true that I have missed her so long that it will be easier to let her go.
Time does heal....but my oh sure takes a long TIME TO HEAL.

The wounds will heal over in time but the Disappearance of my sister is burned in the wound and will not go away...until I do.

Now, I face yet another challenge......Watching my Husband Disappear from Parkinson's Disease. He has an aggressive form.
Life is not fair sometimes.

Watching Peggy is helping me to watch John go slowly away.

I love you today, Peggy!
I love you also, John We will face this together!