I came across this little book yesterday. Peggy sent it to me for Christmas, 1998.
The inscription read,
To Mary Louise
Words to Remember...A Journal
Purchased in London 1998 (Convent Gorders)
I Love You, Peggy
Below the inscription were these words.
A Special Journal to record those precious thoughts,quotations,memories and perhaps humorous words to treasure for a lifetime.
Peggy knew my passion for writing all the thoughts that roamed around in my head. Little did she know..when she gave me this gift that in two short years, I would be writing my feelings and thoughts as I watch her disappear from my life. Little did she know that in those short two years she would not remember our past as Sisters.
It has turned cool here again and the sky is Grey today. It was beautiful, sunshiny and warm just days ago. How quickly things can change. How quickly life can change.
Alzheimer's looks Grey to me and sad. It changes a person quickly and their life is forever different, confining and without color.
If I think about it too much, I can get very sad and depressed.. So today, I choose to change the weather in the house. I choose to change the Grey weather in my mind.
I have turned every light in the house on and have happy music blaring from the radio. I will keep the Grey sadness of Alzheimer's outside of my windows and I will not let it into my mind today.
I will dance to the music and sing to the top of my lungs and I will remember.
I will use my memories to light up my life on this Grey day in my head. I have choices and today, I choose sunshine.
I need the sunshine to give light to the sadness that is Watching Peggy Disappear. I will keep Peggy close in my heart today as we dance around the kitchen. Just like we did when we were girls.
My memories of Peggy get me through the Grey times when I am feeling sad and missing her so much.
I Had a friend. Someone to wake up to in the mornings. Someone to laugh with. Someone to pinch and to punch and to tell tales to, and about! Someone to get into trouble with. Someone to share the blame and the blows and the secrets. Someone to wisper with, to wink at, to make faces at behind the backs of grown-ups. Someone to dreams with, to share plans for the future.Someone to hold hands with, to nudge in church and to kick under the table.Someone to complain to about parental unfairness. Someone to throw a ball too and hold a jump rope, to race and to swim, and to play shutes and ladders with. Above all, someone who shared my blackish sense of humor, who burst into uncontrollable laughter, especially in the face of adversity. That was the best thing about my sister. She was a giggler, Like me! Molly Parkin
My head is saying..Shine today Mary Louise but there are still Grey places in my heart that want to hide from the sun and cry.
So.... The struggle goes on as I Watch Peggy Disappear from My Life. I have to be careful as I watch her disappear...
Not to Disappear Myself!
I Love You Today, Peggy